Cherish This Day

The days of the month are speeding by like a calendar blowing in the wind. I can’t get over that it is almost the end of the year. I am truly thankful though as this year has been full of challenges and I will be happy to start a new year with a clean slate.

Meantime, the Christmas holidays are up on us. Our Christmases are changing quite a bit now that most of the kids are gone. It is a time of transition in a parent’s life, a time to rethink and adjust. This mother finds it sometimes difficult and lonely. Yet, I can also remember when I was young, newly married and with small children. There were times I wished to make new traditions and after a few years we did just that. Pulling away from a parent’s traditions and beginning one’s own is not a bad thing, it is part of growing up.

I am so blessed to have such wonderful children, six in all. Our oldest is married with two beautiful grandchildren. I can remember the days when she was tiny and in awe of Christmas. Now here she is a mother and wife doing her own thing and I am so proud. Our second oldest daughter is married with a handsome little boy. She and her sister are just one year apart.

When I think of the two of them, the beginning of my young life, my married life, my family life, I get all misty-eyed. They are the children of my youth. I am amazed at how beautiful they have turned out despite my many mistakes and mishaps in parenting. They are each in their own right strong women, intelligent women who have formed into compassionate people.

In counting my blessings this week, I count my children high on the list. They are my lifeblood, my reason for being. God saw fit to bring me six children to love and care for in life. I didn’t not always do well; I stumbled and fell along the way trying to find a step to our dance in life. I did love them the best I could, with every fiber of my being.

They challenged me at times and I challenged them along the way. I would not trade one single moment of my life with any of them. There are moments in which I dream of turning back the hands of time for a chance to be still with them. I hurried too much through life and often feel as if I blinked and they went from newborn in my arms to grown women and men.

It goes all too quickly, this life we have. My prayers to each one of them is to slow down and savor every second of their lives. Dear Children, life will pass you by if you don’t take time to stop the hands and be still. God has given you this beautiful present of a life, use it wisely, slow down and cherish these days, for tomorrow is a day away or not at all. Live this moment and love those you are belong to. I pray for each one of my children and that they may find the true meaning in life. God be with you all.

I love you.
Teresa Gale

Brand New Day

Each day I awake to a brand new day full of so many possibilities, it is what I do with this day that makes it effective. The last few days off from work has been a whirlwind of activity; tis the season of Christmas. I have cleaned, scrubbed, washed, shopped, wrapped, cooked and visited with family. Still I am not as yet done. However, I am not as stressed this year as in the years past.

Every Christmas, I feel it is my duty as a mother to buy, buy, buy more and more gifts that I don’t think anyone needs. My blessing this year is that we put a stop to it. It did take a few years of discussing it. I still have that old nagging guilt, that feeling of I wish I had the money to shop for everyone, but truth is…I think…I might have been set free at last.

Christmas is not about the gifts of material things that matter, I know this in my heart. I still have several beautiful grandchildren to shop for and that makes me happy. Each day off this past week, I have planned, but not to the point of stressing as Christmases past.

December 10th : A day at work, finishing up the last details before I was off and running for a vacation day. The night before was my Wednesday Group from church. I enjoyed a lovely evening with new friends studying God’s word. It was delightful to see them all after a couple weeks break.

December 11th was spent cleaning and decorating. I enjoyed my day off alone to make our home more pleasant. I counted it as a blessing that I was free that whole day just to enjoy the fruits of my labor. God is good, vacation days are blessings. I treasure those times when I can be alone, but know that shortly family will follow. It is great time to do things I never have the chance to do.

December 12 Saturdays are bliss! I love being able to sleep in a little later, although later for me might be 6 or 7 A.M. It is nice to lie in bed with eyes close and listen to the hums and sounds of the house. I can hear the cat at the foot of the bed, trying his hardest to wake me for his can of food. I listen to the wind howl outside and feel thankful I have a warm bed and home surrounding me. The stirrings of the mind begin and up and out of bed I go. Coffee awaits upstairs and the tantalizing smell calls to me.

I then greet husband and settle in the leather sofa for my time with God. I read the bible each morning trying to devour His word. Many times I have to stop my wandering mind and turn it back to Him, but I love reading His word. After an hour in the bible, I switch to devotionals and bible studies. I pray for loved ones along with needs of my prayer group and friends. As I think of each person I lift up to God, I thank Him for them in my life. I am so blessed with my family.

The rest of the day was spent with one of daughters, Suzanne and grandson Cooper shopping for Christmas. What joy in the lights and decorations, what joy in tiny hands reaching for all the bright colors! Spending time with my children is one of the richest blessings in my life. We had a wonderful shopping spree and talked quite a bit. Returning home, Mark had fixed us a most delicious meal. Cooper finally noticed the tree and spent lots of time laughing and reaching for the ornaments. Thank you Lord for the children and grandchildren in my life.

Sunday, December 13: I spent the day at home with the Lord. I opted out of the Church service to spend quality time with God. I poured over the bible, prayed and did my studies. I felt rested and good relaxing and worshiping in my pajamas.
The day went too swiftly, but I managed to wrap several gifts, enjoy time watching two movies with my husband and eating another scrumptious meal. The house was warm, the food was good and the movies were enjoyable.

Now we are on to Monday. I must say one of the blessings I have found this week has been in the emails from my friends at church. Three women who are journeying with me on a new health plan to eat better and mindfully. I have been encouraged, inspired and brought to tears in laughter and stories. Our feelings are sometimes raw, we admit our faults and lift one another up each day. I open my mailbox excitedly to see what is happening in their life that day. I love these ladies and feel truly blessed God has brought them into my life.

As I let the dogs out at 4 A.M. this morning, I was amazed and thankful that on December 14, I didn’t really need more than my sweater. We have no snow on the ground and the air was actually refreshing. I can’t believe our weather.
I counted so many blessings the last few days, everything from weather, friends, family and a roof over our heads. May each day be blessed by all you who read, may you also find the rich blessings in your life. Count them one by one and give thanks.

Teresa Gale

Blessings Along the Way

The long and wonderful weekend ended too quickly. On Sunday, the service at church was a wonderful blessing. Pastor spoke on the Ten Commandments and honoring the Sabbath. I loved how he related to us it was not important what day mattered, but that we rest and make a whole day the Sabbath.

Rest, the word seems almost foreign in our busy, hurry-up, fast paced world. However, God wants for us to find rest. It is a time of standing still and enjoying what God has given us, a time to draw closer to Him without the many distractions that surround us.

December 6th became a day for me to worship the Lord at my church. I enjoy the people who attend there and the powerful sermon. I leave feeling lighter each time I am with them in the Lord. Once home, it was time to prepare some lunch. I felt truly blessed that I could open up my refrigerator and find food. It makes me think of so many others who do not have anything. Our church is preparing Food Baskets and our family will contribute.

This Sunday was a day for me to reflect on the Word of God and count my blessings.

December 7th a Monday. Mondays take me back to work and can be very stressful. As we drive in each morning, I pray. It’s a good time to chat with my husband and pray. I was just very recently put back on to 40 Hours and I thanked God for this. With the economy so bad, husband and I had suffered with reduced pay and hours, but felt blessed to have jobs. I pray for the many who are struggling for work, may God’s hand and blessings be upon you.

The evening brought a couple of ladies from my Monday night bible study together for a new session, weight loss. Four of us meet to start our journey on the Weigh Down Diet. We watched the tape, discussed the book and prayed together. These ladies have been a true God-send to me in so many ways. I have enjoyed getting to know them and develop wonderful friendships. We are praying for better eating habits and encouragement for each other. When I left them that evening, I felt wonderful, determined and so blessed.

December 8th Tuesday was another busy work at work that rushed by. I felt the blessings of a new health plan to begin eating consciously and made it through the day pretty good. I even was blessed with a extra hour of overtime. Praise God, the blessings just keep coming and when you really stop and look or listen, you will find there are many in the day.

Our evening was spent decorating our “’Fat Girl” tree as a family. We had fun loading her down with our lights and ornaments. I snapped pictures and loved the feeling of family. As my son and husband put the final touch of the angel on the top, I felt a rush of love for them both and took their pictures.

Our daughter called later laughing hysterically over the posted pictures on Face Book and we chatted while laughing over the “Fat Girl” tree. I love talking to our children during the week. In our busy lives, we seldom get together as much as I would like, so the phone calls mean a lot to me.

December 9th Wednesday more blessings to count, another extra hour of overtime, safety in our windy drive to work and a pretty good attitude at work despite the stress. My evening brought me to my Wednesday night Church Group and wonderful fellowship. I love this group of people and am encouraged by their love of God and friendships.

So many wonderful blessings this week even more than I have counted here on this page. My journey in the month of December of counting my blessings is making me so aware of what God is doing in my life. Even with some bad news this week and that old stressful feeling nagging at me, I was able to leave it to God and feel lighter. I pray for all that read my blog and count my blessings along with me, that you will also pause during your day and see the rich and wonderful things in your life. December is the month we celebrate the birth of Christ and cherish those we love. Take a moment, pause, breath in the air around you and give thanks.
May you all make it a truly blessed day.

Teresa Gale

Life's Blessings

Life’s Blessings

It’s been a wonderful and long weekend that is coming to its end. Monday will bring back work days and appointment. Today is full of promise and more rich blessings. I am finding that when I close my eyes and see I can find more blessings in my life. It is digging deep into our lives that we find the treasures.

I don’t want to merely flit through life haphazardly missing what is right in front of me, and so often in the past I have done just that. Life is living in the present moment. Each day is a gift from God, a present ready to open and waiting for us to take pleasure in.

December 5 Blessings: I spent the morning with a bad headache; this made me so realize how often I don’t give thanks for good health. I am so thankful I pushed myself along with prayer and spent a most delightful day with my daughter and grandson. We had a fun filled day shopping at Root Candle, Dunkin Donuts coffee and then a yummy lunch at Pizza hut. We laughed and enjoyed the sights and smells with the little guy.

Arriving home, I felt truly thankful for my husband who listened to me about smelling gas in the house. He had been busy working on our furnace all day cleaning it out. It was full of black carbon. God bless that man, he saved our lives. Lord, what a blessing to have my husband in my life who can fix things and works so hard.

After cleaning up, we loaded all five us in daughter’s truck and set out to buy my “Fat Girl” Christmas tree. I love it when it snows on tree cutting day. It was bitter cold, but we bundled up and felt the snow falling around us. Trudging out into the field, Daniel our son carrying the saw as he loves to be our Christmas lumberjack each year sought out our tree. We wound ourselves through the trees, wet ground and snow to find the tree every year I say is mine. My men relented even though she is a “Fat Girl”

The covered bridge made me take pause in the beauty of God’s creation as the tiny waterfall tumbled over rocks. The half frozen pond greeted us with the setting sun dipping into her frigid waters. We trudged back to the barn where hot apple cider and donuts were waiting for us and enjoyed Aunt Bobby’s visit.

Our slippery ride home was filled with laughter and joy over how big the tree was and how we were going to fit it through our door. That will wait for Sunday decorating. Hubby fixed us a wonderful meal of French Fries and ribs for dinner.

A call came from our other daughter who I missed seeing buy her tree as they went earlier than we did. How I adore it when I speak to my babies. I often feel as if our house is empty with our grown children gone and love it when they stop and visit or call. Plans are in the making to get our four-year old grandson soon for a movie date.

My blessings this day were many. Everything from family to new fallen snow made me smile today. I am so blessed to have the family I do who cherishes time together and doing family things. Thank you God for blessing me once again.

Teresa Gale

Blessings

So often I am busy grumbling about this or that. I complain a lot, something I need to pray about. Today, I thought why not count a blessing a day through December. I am sure I could fill many months with a blessing a day.

I truly am blessed and so thankful for all God's blessings. In an attempt to see the rainbow and not the clouds in life, I plan to post my Blessings here often.

December 1 Blessing: I am thankful I am a child of God.
If I were not a child of God, covered by His Son's blood, my life would have no purpose. But God has adopted me into his family and I belong to him. What a blessing!

December 2 Blessing: I am Forgiven.
God sent His only Son to die for my sins. I believe in Jesus and what His blood did for me. I know I am not perfect, but I am forgiven. Praise God.

December 3 Blessing: I am thankful for my parents.
I am truly blessed with an earthly Father I adore and I have had the blessing of two mother's in my life. One has passed away, but God blessed me dearly with my other mom who is truly a friend and an inspiration to me. Thank you Lord for my parents.

December 4 Blessing: I am truly blessed with my Husband.
God sent me a wonderful man who is true, lovinging and a good provider. He is my best friend. I feel comfortable with him and know he is there for me. What a true blessing to have him in my life.

I have counted only four blessings for each day of December so far. I am so blessed to have so many more to count. What are you blessed with? I find blessings in even the smallest things, like walking my two dogs this morning in crisp, cold air today and watching how they took such joy in the walk made me take joy also.

Try it out. Think of all your blessings and write them down where you can see them. When you have a bad or grumpy day, take them out and look at all God has blessed you with. I am sure it will lift you up.

God Bless.

Teresa Gale

I Am A Winner!

I won! I am a winner! It's not often I get to say those words, but I acheived what I set out to do and finished NaNo with one day to spare. My how wonderful it feels!

It's amazing what you can do when you set your mind to it. I know I have to find an ending to my story yet, then edit the piece, but it is all possible if I set my goals and keep going.


I want to make new goals and accomplish what I set out to do. That's what winning did for me. It created in me new possiblties, new dreams and new goals. I am thankful that God saw me through my writing. Many days I struggled with words to write, many prayers were said and I always found the words.

In all things I feel thankful. I am a winner and I feel great tonight. Tomorrow is only a dream away and all dreams are possible when I stretch myself to acheive.

Are you dreaming about something? Do you seek to do something you once thought impossible? All you have to do is step out and try. Go for it.

Teresa Gale

Tip Toe Thru Writing

I have found my character in my NaNo challenge this month, but seem weak in where I am going with her. She emerges slowly and the writing is starting to flow. I have been tip toeing through the process, fighting no one but my self.

Being someone who loves to write, I ask myself why I don't write more. I think we all tip toe through life, fearing our gifts, or things we want to do. God has given me a gift, yet I hide it away. I may not be a perfect writer, I may have to do a lot of editing, but I have a heart for writing.

Today my prayer is that God will allow me to use whatever gifts He has given me. I pray that I will come out of hiding and step into the light of what waits for me.

Today I will write my character into the arms of what she fears and see where it takes her.

I hope all you other writers out there are discovering new things about yourself. May God bless you.

Teresa Gale
November 2009

Struggling to Write

It's a horrible thing to happen to someone who loves to write, you find you can't. It's like a clogged drain that has grown rusty. I seldom write anymore and I think that may be the problem. When you don't practice the very thing you enjoy, you get out of practice.

Today, I am going to pray about it. I know all things are possible through God and if we seek him, he answers.

Do you have something you wish to do but struggle with? Why not call upon God and listen for His answers.

Teresa Gale

Words Waiting to be Written

I am stumped, truly stumped. I am not sure of what to write and today is the first day of the challenge. I have wracked my brain for the last few weeks, knowing what I don't want to write yet not finding the truth of what I need to write.

Words are locked inside me, stuck, trying hard to escape into the air.
I sit frozen, staring at a blank page. "Just write" I tell myself, "It will come."

So, off I go to pound the keys praying God sends me words.Words that are the window to my soul.

The First Half

I have tumbled haphazardly
down the dusty road of life.

It led me here, to this moment.

Along the way I planted seeds,
stirred the dust, while watching
the seasons change.

Now I am about to begin,
the next fifty years or so.

Where do I go?

What stones are left unturned?

What adventures lie ahead?

My questions ramble on inside.

I no longer wish to tumble,
but be guided by God’s mighty hand,
gently into the light, to see what He has planned.

Teresa Gale
9/27/09

Faded Photo



I stare at the faded photograph trying to memorize every feature in your smile,
remembering the way you walked, talked and laughed.

Your eyes seem to speak to me, sending me messages, secrets between the two of us,telling me you have stories, many left untold.

I compare you to your siblings in the photo; see the love evident and sure.

Your beauty still dazzles me, I marvel at the way you shine, like a movie star,
holding yourself tall, prepared as always to act for the camera and your audience.

You faded much too quickly, your star shooting through the sky, falling away and quickly leaving us who adored you wishing for more.

I miss you momma and search each night for the stars that hold your smile.

Teresa Gale
September 14, 2009

The Long Lost Letter



I adore receiving a letter, almost as much as I do writing one. It is such a thrill to go to the mailbox and find an envelope waiting inside amidst the bills and advertisements just for me. Normally I will wait, holding this precious letter for awhile, until I have a moment to really cherish the words the author has written to me.

I will sort through the bills, throw away the ads, go about the business of whatever needs to be done, tucking the letter in my purse and saving it till later. For me a letter must be savored, like a good piece of dark chocolate, or a steaming hot bubble bath. I don’t enjoy rushing to it, although, I know it’s there and my excitement increases at the thought. I look forward to reading it, don’t get me wrong, but I want to build my excitement wait till I can give the author my full attention.

Once I settle down to read it, I make sure I am comfortable and all is quiet, for I don’t like being disturbed when I am devouring the coveted words. It’s like sitting with an old friend and I often try to imagine the person’s tone as they have written it. What must their day have been like? What mood were they in? I crave to hear more about their lives as I consume each word.

The trouble these days with letter writing is they are too far and few between. Most of the authors of my letters rarely have time to jot more than a few words leaving me hungry for more. Lives have grown much too busy. It seems time to sit still long enough is something few of us have these days.

Most of us have gone the way of emails, which to me have also become too few and too short, or text messaging, which I can barely do or understand, much less see with my failing eye-sight. We hardly have a moment to make a phone call and when we do, it also is interrupted too often by our busy schedules. Cell phones, computers, text messaging, oh my, it is a whirlwind of technology that has far removed us from lingering long enough to enjoy each other.

When I was a young girl, I moved a lot and often lived far from friends and family. My link to these beloved people, were letters written in long-hand, on pretty paper and even sometimes on school notebook paper. As I would sit and write the letter, I would think about the receiver, how much I missed them and tell them all that was in my heart. I waited most impatiently for their replies. The mailman was my favorite person in those days and I longed for those letters from my grandmother or my dear best friends.

Later, when I was a young married woman, I still carried on this tradition. It was these letters, handwritten that got me through some very long winter months when I was a young mother. My dear sweet grandmother would often give me advice or just share with me her heart about God and what was going on in the family I so missed. Stories were told in those letters, lives were shared, recipes traded, secrets whispered, sadness and joy revealed all between those pretty pieces of lined paper.

Through the years, I have kept many of those letters. They are tied with ribbons and kept in boxes, and from time to time I gather them up to re-read and remember those who wrote them. Many who wrote me these letters have since passed on, some who have moved out of my life, and some still linger. Those pieces of paper are left behind for me as a story, history of our lives together, one day my children and grandchildren will be able to piece together some important things about my own life and those from my past.

I have not given up writing letters; I still love receiving them and re-started the tradition with my own sweet grand-daughter recently. I hope she will pass it down to her children and grandchildren. We have lost something in the art of letter writing, we have lost ourselves. In our hurry-up and busy world we seldom take enough time to sit long enough and enjoy each other, up close and personal.

I don’t want to forget this old fashioned tradition of staying in touch and am in hopes that when you receive one of my cards or letters, it might just inspire you to return the favor and write back to me, or maybe send a card with a note to someone else you care about. Take a moment and remember the excitement you once felt at receiving your own letter or card and spread that joy to someone else today.

Teresa Gale
September 13, 2009

Today

Today I look outside my window and see blue skies and sunshine, it makes me smile, today, I get to travel home to see my parents with my second oldest daughter, her husband and my grandson.

Today, I will count my blessings and there are so many.

Today, I am thankful for the new bible study group I have started and the wonderful and encouraging people I have met.

Today, I will listen to my Ipod and the new songs I downloaded last night, it will be fun to groove to the music as we travel.

Today, I will wear comfortable clothes and feel good about my body, no matter what!

Today, I like my new haircut and color, at least I do today.

Today, I will make lists, and plans and schedule in my calendar all the important dates I need reminded of this month.

Today, I will really allow myself to read a whole chapter in my book.

Today, I will enjoy this life God has blessed me with, won’t you join me?

God bless you all.

It's the Little Things

It’s the Little Things
I woke this morning after a very restless night I will blame on my pastor next time I see him. I had one of those nights where nightmares haunted me, must have had something to do with the sermon yesterday, I am sure it did. However, it was also a good thing, for good sermons that have us restless and later pouring our hearts out to God, also have us thinking about whom and what really matter. So after I shook off the bad dreams, I began to think of all the blessings in my life.

Today, I am off work and while I can blame the economy, for I am home without pay, I can also be thankful for the peace and quiet. I can be appreciative for time to pray for those on my heart today and the list is long. Time alone is so infrequent and very much a blessing when I get it, for time alone with God is precious. So I had a long talk with God today, well I did it in spurts and I imagine He and I will speak more as the day goes on.

I found myself smiling over several things and all before ten o’clock this morning. As I went about my chores, thanking God for this day at home, I found little messages of love everywhere. It is the little things that bring me to smile, to see God’s blessings everywhere, to see the love of family surrounding me. That for me is the true meaning of my life.

My husband, bless his heart, let me sleep in a bit, such a wonderful little thing to do, but so appreciated. That few extra moments of laying still as I listened to him get ready for work, for our son to shower and the dogs barking outside reminded me of all I have in this world. What joy my heart did sing! As they both left, my son not quite so cheerful, my husband wishing he too could be home, I wished them a good day and smiled.

My son surprised me with a clean room without my asking him. I was amazed and texted him, despite my dislike of using texting to communicate to thank him and tell him I loved him. He answered back with his own words of love and my heart swelled again with joy. Anyone who has a teenager must know that these words are very much sought after and coveted by a mother. I almost thought I would cry from the blessing of his text and may have to save them for awhile.

There are countless little things in our day to be thankful for, many that we hardly notice in the hustle and bustle of our days. Some days we are so frustrated, so full of ourselves we don’t take the time to pause and give thanks or notice. It really doesn’t take much to make me happy, I am sure my family would think differently but if they really knew my heart, read my words today they would know me.

Today I had the joy of calling my grandchildren before their first day of school and wishing them a great day, listening to their voices made my day a little better. I stood out on our deck in the chilly morning air as I spoke with them picking tiny red cherry tomatoes, the kind I know my granddaughter so loves and breathed in the morning air. I took in the view of God’s handiwork in the cotton candy clouded sky above and watched as He painted streaks of pink across the horizon with the rising sun. What beauty in the day! I might have missed this had I not been off work and truly opened my eyes.

Any day can be turned around, no matter how bad it seems if only we would stop and see the little things that truly make our lives big. I could have gotten very frustrated today as my well laid plans to stay in P.J.’s and relax were set aside by calls from work asking me to help out. I made the calls, ran my errands and along the way ran into some very friendly people who offered me great customer service. It was the little way they did their job that made me happy to do mine from home today.

So many things turned my day into a day of beauty, too numerous to list here. I nested something I don’t get to do too often. I even managed to cook my family a good old fashioned meal instead of calling for pizza. It felt good to do this out of love for them. I enjoyed the many little things I did today and took joy in my life. I found it was all in opening my eyes and my heart; it was adjusting my attitude and praising God for the day. I pray I have many more days like today. When I see my pastor again on Sunday, I will share this story with him and how my restless night he hoped for lead me to pray for those loved ones and count the many little things in my life to be grateful for once again.

Teresa Gale
8/31/09

Bring Back the Good Ole Days

Bring Back the Good Ole Days


I am sitting here on a Sunday morning frustrated. This is not a good way to start a Sunday, a day in which I love, a family day, a day where I normally start with the Word of God. I should be full of praise, peace, goodwill towards man and getting ready to shower and dress for Sunday Worship. Instead, my blood pressure is steaming and I am contemplating a complaint letter to the world.

What have we done? Have we gone completely insane? Or am I just so bogged down by a hundred different passwords, user-names, secret codes that my mind can’t hold any more. As soon as I have them stored in the memory banks of my already over loaded head, “times up” the bell rings, change it. I need a password just to log into my home computer that is to keep sticky fingers and teens from crashing my coveted PC. At work, I have a password to open up, a password to get to the server, a different password to get to my work email and a password to get into our work station to begin to log in sales orders. Hard as I try to keep them all the same, every 90 days give or take, I have to change them.

I am swamped, over-loaded with passwords, even on my cell phone and work phone to pick up messages. On occassion I keep track by keeping a notebook filled with the many different passwords but am constantly forgetting where I put it or not updating it enough to keep the score. What is a person supposed to do? How do you keep track of all the numbers, names and secret knocks in your life?

Modern technology is supposed to make our life easy right? Right? We have email, cell phones, instant messenger, texting, Face Book, Twitter, Digital cameras and endless other ways to keep our loved ones and friends up to date. Yet we still have no time, we still cannot manage to stay in touch, we are too busy, too tired, too on the go to sit still long enough to have a meaningful conversation.

Modern technology has even made it possible, for a small fee, to pay our bills online, that is if you can remember your password, username and personal secret code. Which is what brought me to write this blog today as I spent the better part of two hours trying to log into one account, reset my password only to find the computer generated blankety blank is still rejecting my user id.The very user id that they sent me the verfied changed password to, can you hear the growl in my words as I hammer on the keyboard?

Don’t get me started on Customer Support that is a whole other blog for a whole other day. Suffice it to say, there is no such thing as talking to a real live human being any more. It is no wonder we are out of touch with our world we live in, no wonder we have become a frustrated society that has no time for anything or anyone. No one has time for us; we have succumbed to being nothing more than a computer generated email, a text message sent to verify we exist.

Take me back to the good ole days when we actually sat down and spoke face to face to each other, or how about writing a real honest to God letter that had actual words in it. I have grown weary of trying to decipher short-handed words such as (lol, idk, jk). Take me back to real customer service served with a kind voice at the other end of the phone and real help, not a computer generated email that keeps circling me around and around, or an automated voice that is requesting I push number 1 or 2 when I really want to scream.

I miss telephone calls from friends on real phones, even though we don’t have a land-line anymore and have been won over by the world of cells. I miss taking walks and really listening to words being spoken, letters in my mailbox, the kind that is out on the street and not inside my electronic computer. I love holding a picture in my hand and seeing it up close. I miss the good old days where human contact made things so special.

As I take a deep breath, letting the steam out of my highly frustrated body and relax a moment, this is not to say I am ready to give up my computer, or Face Book, for I do enjoy the instant gratification of seeing all those I love that has linked me to them. I don’t Twitter as I had to draw the line somewhere, my texting is minimal and I do enjoy emails. I still long to return to simple times, I think we have really lost something. Something of great value in our society and I really worry about what our children and our grandchildren and our great-grandchildren will never get to experience. The value of human contact and slowing down to enjoy one another, which is what life is really all about.

Just a small piece of mind, thanks for listening.

Teresa Gale
8/29/09

Mine Alone

I struggle to make a poem out of my thoughts.

Words tumble and scrape inside my mind,
screaming to be cut loose from the chains that bind.

Yet, the perfectionist in me, bridles the poem,
Keeping it locked tight inside, binding it closer.

I pray, giving life to words.

Words escape to pen,
spilling out on paper, liquid thoughts.

These words, mine alone,
Breathe life onto what was once blank.

Letting go of fear that once held me prisoner

Do not look for meaning to your life by reading
My words, they are owned by me…alone.

Teresa Gale
8-16-09

Mommy Worries

It began as soon as I became pregnant, the worrying. I worried if the baby would be okay, if he/she would have all their fingers and toes, if the heart was forming right and would the delivery go well. Once I gave birth, many other things happened that couldn’t be reversed. First, I fell head over heels in love with this tiny being, my body changed in ways I never thought possible and my heart began to worry over every little thing and didn’t stop. I have found that being a mother has been one of the greatest rewards in my life and a role that has given me the most joy. It also has created endless worry.

Before I had children I never imagined that I would ever become a prisoner of worry. I thought I would raise a family, be the perfect mother, have the perfect children, watch them grow into perfect adults and scoot them along into their own lives. Wrong! Little did I know that from the moment they were born fear would grip me. I would begin to worry over real and imagined things. Things such as were they getting enough to eat to were they eating the right things. I wondered if they were too hot, too cold, could they fall out of bed and harm themselves, what kind of germs surrounded them and should we take a trip to the grocery store if one had the sniffles.

All kinds of worries started nagging me with the first child; others came along with the second child. Did she feel I loved her the same, enough, was I giving them both the attention they needed? On and on it went. I did learn to relax a little; I didn’t jump quite so much with the cries as I learned to discern which were the calls for attention and the ones for help. Still the worries stayed on and grew as the children grew. More children came along and with them new worries evolved, never enough time to devote to each child, not enough money, too many illnesses, juggles of a large family, my list of worries grew larger and larger.

Worry changed form; it became a dark monster as the children turned from toddlers to school age to teens. Let me tell you the teen age worry monster is one of the worst, the ugliest, and scariest of all the worries. Those dark days haunted me as I became the mother who had thought her sleepless nights of having a newborn were over, began again as soon as they turned into a teen. I sat by the phone or window now instead of by a crib or in a rocking chair. Now instead of holding my child to my chest and soothing them, I longed for someone to sooth my worry.

Many times, long past curfews, long before cell phones, I sat waiting, often pacing, always praying for their safe return, alternating between prayers and anger. I waited for the sound of car door slamming to announce the return home from a date, party or football game, safe and sound. It would be then I would realize I could breathe, let go of the air that had built up in my lungs as if holding it would mean they were alright.

Being a Mother meant that part of my job was to become a protector and I was fierce at it. I would allow no one to harm my children and was quick to take them out of harm’s way. What I found out, was that once the children were past the toddler stage, past the grade school age and sought independence they would not always be within my sight to protect. I had to rely on faith, faith that somehow I had given them enough to get them through the outside world to survive.

Part of being a mother is learning to let go and that is also the hardest most gut wrenching part of being a mother. I once watched a mother bird kick her baby out of a nest to fly, her wings fluttered just a moment as if she wanted to go after the baby, but she waited, she watched. The little bird at first fell, fluttered its wings, dropped to the point even I wanted to run beneath it to catch it and then suddenly, the little thing just caught on and flew. I watched as the wings caught the wind and soared back up into the nest next to mommy and chirped loudly. Each day the little bird ventured further and further away until one day it was gone.

I must trust in this that I can raise my children to do the same, to fly upon their own. They will flutter, they might even fall, but I have faith each will soar high, even higher than I could ever imagine. This however, does not mean my worry ends, I am sure of this very thing. For I will invent new worries, I am good at that. I once asked my father when do you stop worrying about your kids.

He looked over at me, his eyes crinkling up into a smile I knew so well. “How old are you?” he asked.

“I am fifty Dad.”

He chuckled softly, turning back to looking over the golden field in his back yard watching the sun dip low in the sky.

“I’ll let you know.”

Teresa Gale
August 9, 2009

Dancing in the Shadows

Dancing in the Shadows

Traveling home recently to a family reunion, I took a side trip down memory lane, to places only I could travel. Family reunions are meant to gather together all those living relatives and share good times, swap favorite tales, catch up on news and remember those who have passed on. Reunions, at least for me anyway, have a way of dredging up the haunting past.

The night before the reunion, my brother and I sat and shared some happy memories, went through some recent photos of a joint trip we took together to Israel and then he brought out a video made by a family member of our ancestors set to music. I sat mesmerized for over an hour and viewed familiar and unfamiliar faces as they rolled across the screen. I became spellbound by the photos of my grandparents in their youth, then their children and my mother.

I felt sad when it ended, I found myself hungry for more. Many of the people in the video, my mother included, have passed on. Death has gripped my family many times over and visions of this danced in the memory banks of my mind during the rest of the night. My brother and I were both reluctant to end the evening and go to bed, so we sat and shared memories until the wee hours of the morning.

During the long drive to the reunion the next day, I thought of who I would be seeing and those who were not be attending. Memories flitted in and out of head, as we talked during the ride, it had been a long time since I had come back home. It was an exercise I did often, dredging up the dead; not unlike scrapping open a scab and letting it bleed, very painful at times. It didn’t help much that our first stop of this trip would be to the cemetery to visit the graves of our mother, our brother and our sister.

I have faced many losses in my fifty-one years, and I have lived in the shadow of death and grief most of my life. My very first taste of loss would come before I was even born, a sister who died tragically at three weeks old. Her ghost would haunt me for years. I grew up in the shadow of who she might have been, the broken dreams of my parents, the child I could never be and she became the sister I never knew.

I mourned over her, cried over her and wondered why she had to die. Since I never knew her; she became this romantic figure in my head. I fantasized about my big sister since I was surrounded by little brothers who could never begin to understand the ways of a girl. I longed for someone to share clothes with, whisper things to and share a bedroom together with just as my two brothers did. I was the only girl, the outcast and grieving over a loss of something I could not even fathom.

Long into the night I would feel as if something were missing, often feeling empty and alone, I would curl myself into a ball and sob at the cruelty of the loss of my sister who would forever remain a mystery. Her ghost haunted me and I carried around the single picture taken of her. The black and white photo taken close up of her sweet angel face lying asleep in her coffin outlined her delicate features so fragile and porcelain. I carried this tiny snapshot until the edges showed signs of wear and tear from looking at it so often, imagining our fictional life together.

My sister’s death was only the first in a long series of losses I would face in my life, some came more sudden like my brother’s did when he was killed in an accident at the tender age of 19. Other’s came with calls from Doctor’s delivering news in robotic tones, some with a telegram, another came with a stranger stuttering the words out.

None of the instances are easy to deal with, whether you have time to prepare or if you never knew the person, grief is grief and it lingers like an unwelcome guest forever. It comes back without notice often, just when you think you have rushed out the door and slammed it shut, it comes knocking again, suitcases packed and ready to stay.

Death is never done, he will come knocking again. As I look around me, I don’t fear it, I cherish what I have, I treasure these moments with those people I love. I will grieve again, of this I am sure, but I do not want to waste a moment of this life in grief over things that do not matter or what I cannot control. I am just now beginning to learn this and trying to learn to let it go.

As I stood beside the tiny grave of my sister I didn’t feel that sense of loss for her anymore, for I knew she was in a good and happy place. As I looked down upon the graves of my mother, brother and others who have passed along I felt at peace. I will dance in their shadows.

Teresa Gale
8/1/09