Trust

It was a dark and stormy night. No wrong, it was a sun filled day of flowers and birds. Nope not right either. The heavy snow twirled and danced caught glimmering in the headlights, mesmerizing me in to a hypnotic daze....nope, that won't do either.

Where does one begin to write a novel? Please, someone tell me the secret. I am not a planner by any means of the word. I hate editing, despise it truthfully. I am a writer of the heart. My emotions pour out of me, bleeding on the pages. Characters are often real people in my life, those that have touched me one way or another. 

Writing is tough. Whoever thinks you just sit down and write is either a genius or has never attempted to give birth to a story. However, I have written. I have written poetry, stories, long letters, speeches for weddings, retirements, holidays and a couple of unedited novels. They sit in drawers, file folders on my office floor, and some of my writing has been published via the Internet. 

Today, I rustled through my dusty and unused office to find the one story that has been begging me to read and edit. My muse has been encouraging me to write again. Thanks dear friend Tina. So, my mission was to unearth it from under the clutter where I left it back in 2011. My first novel that I actually found an ending to.

It is sitting next to me at this very moment, my palms have grown sweaty and my heart has picked up speed. Fear knots my stomach as I turn over in my mind if I should just bury it in my grave pile of other writings and run, do not walk away from it.

I have recently been taking a creative art journaling course, playing with paint, (truthfully something I have no talent) and words. See above photo. It is unclogging my long hidden away God given gift to create again. I am rusty, weak in the knees and my own worst critic. Yet this journey in art has allowed the little girl I was never allowed to be, come out and play. 

My novel needs to be read, edited and seared once again in my heart. It is my long journey towards forgiveness and understanding someone very important in my life. It is due to the fact this was written from my heart and guided by God, that makes me want to finish it. However, in doing so, it will return me to another long and painful journey of the past.

My fear is....hard to word...facing the scary parts of my life and accepting who I am because of it. It's personal, it's painful yet is full of love. 

Earl Nightengale once stated; " Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."

The course I am taking is teaching me to let go of fear and flow. I am learning to brave my fears of not being good enough to being satisfied with challenging myself to try. My novel is part of me, my baby, my growth, my journey towards forgiveness and allowing myself to love.

The story is waiting for me. I will take the steps to complete my journey and be satisfied. Is there something you fear? Are you putting off becoming the person God has designed you to be? Are there others out there like me ready to take a step beyond your comfort zone? I would invite you to step with me and reach your dreams.

Teresa Gale