Joy has always seemed most elusive in my life, mainly because I am my own worst enemy, constantly dwelling on being responsible, serious, accountable in life. Being a Martha in life, when I should be a Mary sitting quiet at the feet of my Lord.
I feel a new season in my life approaching this old woman who wishes to find the girl inside screaming to be let out. I wish to play more, create more, write more and just live more. I do believe God wants us to be happy, to be full of joy. He did not create me to be so joyless.
My destiny is to create, to use my God given gifts to write, to reach beyond myself and to enjoy this life. My sometimes too intense emotions make me a prisoner in myself allowing fear to rule my soul. There has always been a deep need that requires my letting go of the fear.
I feel it today as I sit in my dads chair back home. His passing left a void in me that is irreplaceable. I tossed and turned last night in the room that was his, dreams haunting me. I dream of him often, now part of the background in those places, close by but just out of reach. He watches me, quietly And
I feel him telling me to "Move! Snap out of it!"
I have a jumble of words stuck in my head wanting to be releaed, yet I falter, stutter and stumble over them. How often do I allow fear to stifle my joy? I am never to old to be childlike in life, to find that inner joy and peace I so crave. I am on the road to joy starting now, it may be rough ahead, but I have faith.
I have signed up for a journaling course online to tap into my writing again. I step slowly through the words, sprinkling pages with short ideas and thoughts. It is a start. I am sure my dad would nod in agreement, "Start where you are, one foot in front of the other and don't stop moving. "
Teresa Gale
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