I am trying to make an afghan, trying is the key word here. Many times in the past, I have fumbled with this feat. I self taught myself in the art of crochet, which means my projects are not ever perfect.
Yet I keep trying. I have made a few afghan’s and some scarves and my family tells me they like them. However, my imperfect piece drives me nuts. I cannot tell you how many times I took them apart and redid them. My ends would trail uneven, start shorter, end up longer, they waved at me in their imperfect state, sticking tongues out to taunt me.
So this year, after a long hiatus from my craft or lack thereof, I signed up for a beginner’s class at a local craft store. I was excited I would finally master the uneven edges of my blankets. The class was good, but didn’t teach me anything really that I had not taught myself. I asked the instructor about my problem and was told we would get to it. We never did. I found myself crocheting away in class, a head of the rest of the students which gave me some confidence.
The flame of creativity bit me hard and I decided to buy some supplies and try again. I used a tip the instructor gave in class and started crocheting like mad. I was going to take some scrap yarn and make my grandson Logan an afghan for Christmas.
Away I went and found I enjoyed the process, it was relaxing. I wove about ten rows and then saw my blanket was once again uneven. Frustrated, I took it apart, not once, but twice. I grew more and more frustrated in my process and decided to search on line for my problem. I read I needed to count my stitches. Duh, I had been told that once before, but ignored the suggestion.
Isn’t that just like us, to ignore something an experienced person will tell us because we think we novice crafters or fill in the blank_____ know better? I took the advice this time and am on my way to the finish line with a blanket that is straight on the edges. Duh! *Smack in the head*
My frustration now lies in the way the instructor told me to pull the yarn out to start. We students were instructed to reach into the center of the yarn and pull out this mess that resembles spaghetti. While this works most of the time, I am finding as I try to cross the finish line before Christmas that sometimes my spaghetti frustrates me as it tangles up.
This morning, my insomnia had me up and with TV off and prayers said, I decided to crochet. I felt very emotional this morning, probably due to insomnia of late and the message I received in prayer this morning. Nevertheless, I took out my afghan and began a row of white yarn. I neared the end of one row and found my spaghetti yarn tangled.
I tugged, I pulled, I unwound, I used every method I found to untangle this mess. Finally, I tied off my end of the row and with scissors I cut the yarn. Reaching inside, pulled out a big hunk of yarn and just wanted to weep at the mess. I silently and not too kindly, cursed the instructor and began the process of untangling.
I found I tensed during the process and my frustration grew. Next thing I know, I am crying. Isn’t that just like a woman on the edge of sleepless nights? As I sat crying, fingers pulled gently and then harder, waves of feelings welled up. I found the process an aggravating nuisance. Taking a deep breath, I thought of my prayers this morning as I praised God.
Suddenly, His message to me became clearer and using a simple ball of yarn, God gave me an example. He told me my heart needed to be pure and clean, I needed to test it. Test the strength of my heart? I questioned His message and then immediately went into my worry mode. What do you mean test my heart? I prayed safety for my children he brought to my mind, to my husband who is sick and wracked my brain for what God was planning. The word Trust came to mind as it has a lot lately in my prayers and writing.
I sat with this mess of a ball of yarn and it dawned on me this must be what my heart looks like to God. Yet, he reaches into the center of it all and pulls out the chunks and kinks of spaghetti like problems and gently tugs and straightens; pulls and untangles the mess inside. God is the master of tangled messes.
While I can break the thread, I find it hard to do, sometimes I need help. Sometimes when the tangles become too messy, I am ready to throw it all away and start anew. It made me wonder at why God patiently untangles my heart time and time again. He lovingly waits, pulls, waits, uses expert fingers to get to the center of the knots and untie them. Problems? Yes I imagine at times God must also find problems in the process. I think He must shake His head at me in wonder at just how tangled I have let my heart go. Yet still in those moments I am so disappointed, He waits for me to pause so He can take over.
I have never been a very patient person, but when I am, I see results. God is waiting on me to stop pulling away from Him and allow him to untangle me. So I take a deep breath for I realize that it is in being persistent that my work of art will be finished. While it may not be perfect, it will be made with love, just as God made me in love.
I will continue to untangle my ball of yarn; I will continue to weave my afghan just as I will allow God to continue His work of art in me. Trust; yes, I think I will trust in the Master artist.
Teresa Gale
No comments:
Post a Comment