My Year of 59

Age is not anything to run away from, it's a celebration of life and love. So my year of 59, began as an awareness of leaving parts of the past behind and taking a journey to trying, doing, and experiencing not only new things, but life itself.

In recent years I have faced some debilitating heath issues that both frustrated me and whirled me into a depression of sorts. I am not a " oh feel sorry for me" person, but I did find myself in, "woe is me" mode for a time. I was shaken out of this dismal state shortly after watching my father succumb to his own health issues. He was chair bound for a few years and grew weaker and weaker by day. It hurt my heart to see this once strong, vital, full of life man become a victim of his illness.

Not long after his death I woke up from my own foggy sleep and began to lift myself into action. I decided I could stay still and allow this to beat me or I could live the life God blessed me with one day at a time. I began to move, slowly at first and painfully back into my life.

The year of 59, is the start of new discovery, letting go of what I no longer can do and embrace what I can do. I am not placing limitations on my self, I am living each day with purpose. I am embracing this older self and making peace with my crinkled neck, crows feet and gray hair, well maybe not the gray hair just yet.There are some days I have to make a concerted effort to push past the pain and go forward.

I lost a dear friend last year who had been trapped unwillingly with ALS. Her spirit and love of God so inspired me. She is a remarkable woman who has forever touched my heart and soul. I miss her dearly and keep her often wise words close to my heart daily. I will not allow my faith be shaken. I believe, as she did, God has a purpose and plan for each of us.

So here I go on my new journey. I will live each day with determination, faith in God, and with the grace my friend Beth instilled in me.

Teresa Gale
2/26/17

Outside My Window

Blue skies peek through bare-limbed trees,
A gentle breeze furls the tall tree in dance.
The veins of tree limbs stretch heavenward
A celebration of Praise.

A nod of branch comes my way by greeting of
This new day.
Oh! To be like the tree...unafraid
Of their nakedness.

Arms stretch in frozen dance of joy,
Lines etch the years upon its face.
Yet beauty in age is present in time worn trunk.

Constantly limbs outstretched in prayer and praise.
Witness of seasons, each full of beauty.
Patience in waiting for what comes next.

Oh! To be like the tree,
Fearless and strong enough to bend.


Teresa Gale
2/22/16

Forever Friends

Friendship, true friendship is rare in this world. I have had many, many friends, some that I had imagined would last me a life time. Out of all the friends I have had in my life, only a select few have remained.      

My two oldest friends I met back in the dark ages of high school when I was a mere twelve years old are my most cherished antiques, (I mean that with love girls). We have gone through much together and apart, but have stuck like glue. When I think back to our early years, I smile at the memories. We knew nothing back in the day, but we sure thought we did.

It took me several years to realize that these two were destined to be life-long friends. My life had been full of losses so this came as a wonderful surprise to me. We have each had our share of grief, of miss-understandings, of good times and of bad. We shared date nights together, marriage, break-ups, more marriages and babies. We weathered the divorces, the deaths, the births and life’s challenges beside each other, even when we lived in three different states.

Through our friendship, we often lose touch, rarely call, hardly write, but always our hearts meet. We have vowed now in our ancient years to get together yearly, however, life has a habit of getting in our way. Yet we still manage, between the distances, the silences and infrequent visits to meet here and there. When we do, the miles, years and silences are erased. We pick right up where we left off, a little older, a little grayer, (those of us who dye our hair will never reveal how gray we have become) and much wiser. At least we like to think we have grown wiser.

I have marveled over these two ladies and how blessed I am to have them in my life. They are sisters of my heart and treasured. We joke often we will retire together on a beach front nursing home with reserved rocking chairs. I know we will cause a stir in that old folks’ home.

We are each so different, yet a like. I always saw us as the loud one, the quiet one and the one who is a little of both. I am sure you gals can figure out who is who. *wink*. We are passionate about our lives, our friendships and our belief in God. We have skated through life and known if one of us called, we would be there to catch the other when they fell.

Back in the day of long distance phone calls, one of these ladies spent hours and hours checking on me when I was going through a rather horrible time in my life. Her phone bill must have been more than my house payment. She showed up again years later after I lost a loved one and had bought a house. She came with paint brush in hand and warm arms for me to cry on. She has showed up, time and time again. I will never forget that my friend.

Nor will I forget those days of young motherhood when my other dear friend and I would daily chat about the challenges of raising our kids, the long sleepless nights, burnt dinners and endless trips to doctors. We shared our nursing and birth stories like soldiers off in battle and gave advice freely if not always solicited. We visited together with toddlers in tow any chance we could get and had children close in ages. I will always remember those days fondly and miss them dearly.

I have two other dear friends I have collected in recent years who have warmed my heart, inspired me to grow in my beliefs and my writings. They are my treasures of every day talks and walks through life.

Friendship is not for the weak of heart; you have to show up to be a true friend. You have to have a listening ear, a quiet mouth, a soft touch and years of knowledge on subjects you have never experienced. Friends pray for each other. True friends are also there to call you on the carpet when need be and one of us might even throw a hamburger at your car window and walk the steam for a few miles later laughing. (Inside joke for one of you) We have survived these little tiffs together and separate which made our bond stronger.

I am so very blessed, so very thankful for the ladies in my life and marvel they can even put up with my moods. Thank you ladies, for the time of my life and I pray for many, many more years together. I love you more.

Teresa Gale

Fall Melody

Fall Melody

A canopy of leaves

unfurl like smoke,

as the wind tosses.

Limbs reach out,

loving hands

brushing cheeks.

Looking skyward

towards the aging limbs;

twisted and gnarled

akin to arthritic fingers

beckoning to follow.

In the winter

of it’s age,

whispers can be

heard in the rustle

of brittle leaves.

“Be still”

the whisper calls.

Heart listens,

then obeys.

Teresa Gale

C 2004

Trust

It was a dark and stormy night. No wrong, it was a sun filled day of flowers and birds. Nope not right either. The heavy snow twirled and danced caught glimmering in the headlights, mesmerizing me in to a hypnotic daze....nope, that won't do either.

Where does one begin to write a novel? Please, someone tell me the secret. I am not a planner by any means of the word. I hate editing, despise it truthfully. I am a writer of the heart. My emotions pour out of me, bleeding on the pages. Characters are often real people in my life, those that have touched me one way or another. 

Writing is tough. Whoever thinks you just sit down and write is either a genius or has never attempted to give birth to a story. However, I have written. I have written poetry, stories, long letters, speeches for weddings, retirements, holidays and a couple of unedited novels. They sit in drawers, file folders on my office floor, and some of my writing has been published via the Internet. 

Today, I rustled through my dusty and unused office to find the one story that has been begging me to read and edit. My muse has been encouraging me to write again. Thanks dear friend Tina. So, my mission was to unearth it from under the clutter where I left it back in 2011. My first novel that I actually found an ending to.

It is sitting next to me at this very moment, my palms have grown sweaty and my heart has picked up speed. Fear knots my stomach as I turn over in my mind if I should just bury it in my grave pile of other writings and run, do not walk away from it.

I have recently been taking a creative art journaling course, playing with paint, (truthfully something I have no talent) and words. See above photo. It is unclogging my long hidden away God given gift to create again. I am rusty, weak in the knees and my own worst critic. Yet this journey in art has allowed the little girl I was never allowed to be, come out and play. 

My novel needs to be read, edited and seared once again in my heart. It is my long journey towards forgiveness and understanding someone very important in my life. It is due to the fact this was written from my heart and guided by God, that makes me want to finish it. However, in doing so, it will return me to another long and painful journey of the past.

My fear is....hard to word...facing the scary parts of my life and accepting who I am because of it. It's personal, it's painful yet is full of love. 

Earl Nightengale once stated; " Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use."

The course I am taking is teaching me to let go of fear and flow. I am learning to brave my fears of not being good enough to being satisfied with challenging myself to try. My novel is part of me, my baby, my growth, my journey towards forgiveness and allowing myself to love.

The story is waiting for me. I will take the steps to complete my journey and be satisfied. Is there something you fear? Are you putting off becoming the person God has designed you to be? Are there others out there like me ready to take a step beyond your comfort zone? I would invite you to step with me and reach your dreams.

Teresa Gale

Good Morning! 

 

It's Friday! I woke up with my normal aches and pains, stumbled out of bed and grabbed my dark rich coffee, liquid energy as I call it. Ahh! 

Mornings are good to reflect, prepare and by prepare I mean pray, read and catch up on family news. 

My oldest daughter traveled out west this past week to see her sister. I have been keeping track of their visit together on Facebook. I love the family photos, the smiles, the times they are sharing together making more memories. Today Jennifer, my oldest and my oldest grandson Jordan will return back home. Parting is never easy. I know each time I am with any of my children no matter how short or how long the visit, it tears my heart to leave. This is no different when your children live so far away. You wish to hold them tight, tighter, tighter even and never let them go.

"Sigh..." I got all teary eyed as I viewed the photos from last nights hugs and kisses between my grandchildren, my daughters and my son in law. I know today as she boards the plane, she will leave part of her heart with Suzanne. I know this, because I have done the same. I posted for them to cherish the times together for this is the purest of gifts.

A mother, always wants her children close. However, we also wish them wings to fly. I know I have lived far from my parents, my family for most of my life. I did what I had to do to raise my family, but...I have missed so many things, so much time together. So now, I try to make the most of it. We all need to make the most of it. 

The bible is full of stories where children wander off to the great unknowns building lives. It is the circle of life. It is not God's plan to hold our children back from His plans, whatever they may be. As a Christian mom, I have faith that the decisions they make will all be for His greater plan. I pray that in the mornings, as I wake in the middle of the night when one or all of them cross my mind. I lie awake wondering about each of the six children we are blessed with and all the little grandchildren as well.

As much as my heart aches, as much as I dream of owning a huge property where all my loved ones can dwell together, I have to be at peace knowing we carry each other in our hearts.

God's gift to me this morning as I hobbled out the front door, was to bless me with the beautiful flower above. His promise to me that he cares for each little one and has them in his hands. As I passed by this happy Daisy, my heart soared as I knew each of my children bloom where they are planted by His loving hand. I smile when I see my favorite flower gracing my morning. Thank you God for promises.

Be safe my loves and come home soon.

Love you more,

Teresa Gale

Momma T

Writing

I am writing. Yes, me, writing. It's been a long time since I have unclogged my words and let them flow. I have always been a writer of emotion, I write what I feel. So, I started the old fashioned way, got out a notebook, my favorite pen and began.

Writing with ink and paper prevents the critical me to keep fine tuning and blocking the flow. When I type, I stare endlessly at the stark white page, freeze, delete, reword, correct and finally get two sentences. Whew! Not worth it.

So, I decided after some discussion with a fellow writer friend, to begin from scratch, no editing, just write. It's working, to my amazement. Not that I have gotten far, but that does not matter. I am pouring words out on a page and seeing an idea form, editing will come later.

I am not sure what direction I am headed, I have decided against a map, characters and no names to protect the innocent writer. I am creating. I am hungry for words, I am fighting my way out of the abyss of wordless existence and forging ahead. 

Today I read a quote by Woody Allen who once said. "80 percent of life is showing up". I like that, so I am showing up, what do I have to lose?

Teresa Gale